It's been awhile since my last blog. I've been meaning to write a new post for about a month or so now, but life keeps getting in the way. But I felt like today was a good day to write.
First of all, today is my 9th anniversary with Joe. This time last year, I was sitting in a lawyer's office discussing custody schedules and alimony. Wow, what a year. God has been so amazingly good and wonderful to my family. If it hadn't been for Him rescuing me from my personal hell, I probably would have committed suicide. Shocking to see it in print, but still true. But because of God's unfailing love, mercy, and grace, I sit before you now, a living testimony to His greatness. My whole family is a testimony.
I am so incredibly, madly, passionately in love with my husband. A great truth I've discovered over the past year is that while Joe and I are not perfect by any means, God made us perfect for one another. There is not another man out there who would complete me as perfectly as Joe does. And I feel confident in saying that Joe feels the same way about me.
I am so proud of Joe for the leaps and bounds he's taken towards God this past year. He is a man that I can deeply, profoundly respect. He still struggles, but he's learning to turn everything over to God and to let Him rule. One of my favorite things is to get together and pray. I never thought I would say that. It always sounded so "Christian." Just so cliched. But it's true. It delights my heart to see him becoming a man of God.
Neither of us are anywhere near the same person we were at the beginning of 2010. I've learned that I unintentionally put enormous pressure on Joe by trying to make him be my God. Once God showed me what I was doing and I turned to the real God, our marriage grew so much stronger.
This year has been an amazing year in my personal life as well as with my marriage. I never knew how much energy I was expending in running away from God trying to find "freedom" until I came running back to Him. I recently got Psalms 18:19b tattooed on my back: He rescued me, because He delighted in me. Wow. Just let that sink in. God delights in me. He delights in you. Wow. When that truth finally sunk in, it floored me. Here I am, this worthless, pathetic creature. Who am I that God should even notice me, much less delight in me? But yet He does. He really truly does. And He longs to show it. Praise Him for His mighty deeds, His incredible wonders! The infinite God of the universe DELIGHTS in me!!! And He came with swords blazing to rescue me. He came to save my marriage. He came to save my husband. He came to save my family from the powers of darkness. All I can do right now is sit here in amazement, crying, while Joe looks on in concern from the couch. That's why I got it permanently etched onto my body. I never want to forget. Right now I pray that I will always have this awe of God, that I will always run as hard as I can to Him so that I can rest in His arms. I want this year with God to last all my days.
So, I sit here on my 9th anniversary, thinking back over this past year and how this anniversary means more to me than all the others combined. How this feels like the first in so many ways. I think of how grateful I am to have such a wonderful husband who loves me as Christ loves the church. I thank God for him every day. I am so blessed to be called his wife. I hope to be his "ruby" forever. I want to be a blessing to him and love him and support him with everything that I am, and when I fail, to rely on God to give me the strength to fight for him and with him against anything this fallen world can hurl at us.
Thank you, God. Thank you.
