The Bracelet

Something monumental happened today. I bought a bracelet. I know that doesn't exactly seem very momentous, but to me it was. I've never worn bracelets or fancy necklaces or anything like that. I've never painted my fingernails. I've never believed that I could be the type of girl to wear and do things like that.

All my life, I have been so unsure of myself. I try to blend in, even when I don't really want to. When I was in high school, I wore a size 0. But I still thought I was ugly and messed up. I tried to pretend that I didn't feel that way, but deep down in that dark place where I stuff things, I did. Since then, I gained a lot of weight. Too much. And I hated myself. And I assumed others felt the same way about me. At the very least, they were disgusted by me. So I tried to hide, to blend in. Definitely no frills about me then.

Since Banana's birth almost a year ago, I've lost about 30 lbs. I've gone from growing out of my 14s to a 6. And I'm finally beginning to feel good about myself. I don't think it's all because of losing the weight that I'm feeling like this. I've finally have started to become comfortable in my own skin. Maybe it's because I'm 27 now and not 17. I've heard that a woman feels her most beautiful at the age of 30. I'll let you know in three years if that's true.

But I think what has really had the biggest impact on me is realizing how much God loves me and how beautiful He thinks I am. He designed me. He wanted me to have this hair, this nose (which admittedly looked better before Thane broke it), this body. He created me to be beautiful to Him. One of the most beautiful women I know of is my mother, Ruth. She doesn't even realize her radiance. She seems to glow from within. God shines through her. She is a mighty oak, displayed for His splendor. I want to be like that. I want to radiate His glory. As I have been seeking after Him and falling in love with Him, I have also been falling in love with myself. Not in a narcissistic way, but realizing that if God sees me as beautiful and lovely, maybe I am.

So I bought a bracelet. And I actually wore it around Target. No one laughed at me. No one even cared. And it was wonderful.

Florida! (The Happy Version)

I totally should have written this as soon as I got home because now I've forgotten the hilarious things Lou did and said. Darn it. Oh, well. I'll just hope it comes to me as I'm writing. So I guess the best place to start this adventure is from the beginning. Here goes.

For the few days before the trip, like clockwork, Lou had been asking if we were "going to Florida now." By the time Joe got home at 7pm from working a half shift, I was ready to go to Florida now. We left at 9 something and got there before 7 the next morning. The drive went well enough. Lou only slept for about 5 hours of it, but she watched movies the whole time she was awake. The Sunshine State wasn't so sunshiny. It rained for the first couple of days there so we just did inside stuff instead of going to the beach. We finally got to go to the beach, but it was rainy and it had a red flag (meaning high hazard) almost every day.

The girls LOVED the beach. I mean, absolutely could not get enough of it. Even Banana had a blast (for the most part.) While I don't really like the idea of putting pics of my kids on here, I am going to put one of Banana just because words can't describe the sunscreen/sand/saltwater-in-the-eyes incident. The poor girl had it rough the first day. It started out innocently enough. Joe put sunscreen on her and did so good trying to keep it out of her eyes. (We had forgotten the stick sunscreen.) But then, with cat-like reflexes, she managed to get some on her sandy hands, which of course went directly to the eyes. We tried to wash off her hands, but then she just rubbed her eyes again, this time with saltwater. Finally, I had to get a bottle of water from the cooler and pour it in her eyes. And then the combination of the sunscreen on her head and the wind just wreaked havoc on her hair. But as sad as she looks, she still had so much fun. She would dig, dig, dig all of the sand around her and pile it on her legs, then squeal with laughter as she would kick her legs out.

And Lou just had so much fun playing in the waves and building sand castles. She has NO fear whatsoever. When a wave swamped her for the first time and she couldn't get up and Papa had to rescue her, I thought that she would've been at least a little concerned, if not somewhat scared. But no. She just laughed and said, "What happened? It was fast!" then bounded off again. She and Joe built a sand mound about 4 feet in diameter and about 3 1/2 feet high and she would stand at the top and slide down it on her belly "like a penguin." She got stung by jellyfish, but didn't even care. She flew a kite on the beach. She got buried in the sand and helped bury her Papa. She cried when we left FL and kept saying that she wanted to go back to the beach. Me, too, kiddo. Me, too.

The oil would come and go. So did the seaweed. The last day we were there was perfect. No seaweed, no oil, green flag flying, perfect temps and sunny. I wish it would have been like that the whole time. We went to Destin one day, to the Gulfarium (totally not worth the money) and then to the beach there and it was so seaweed-y and horrible. I've never seen Destin with that much seaweed. I guess it was because of the hurricane.

Sadly, James and Audra had to work most of the time so we didn't get to hang out with them as much as we would have liked. I never realized how much Lou looks like Audra until this trip. I think she looks more like Audra than she does me. But that's ok. I've got Banana.

The girls were great on the trip back. A 9+ hour car ride and we only had to stop twice and then once more for gas. I was impressed with how well they behaved. Since I drove almost the whole way there, Joe drove back.

But I gotta say, even though I miss the beach, it's nice being home.

UPDATE: Totally forgot to mention how well the girls did sleeping in the same room. Ok, the first night was horrendous. They woke each other up about 3 times and Joe wound up sleeping on the other couch while Lou and I slept on the hide-a-bed. And then Banana woke up at 5. But, the point is that they did so good, we've decided when it's time to put Banana into a big girl bed, we're going to get them bunk beds and turn Lou's room into a playroom. Or you know, into another nursery, since Joe's decided we're having two more kids. But that's for a whole 'nother post.